HEAL THE HIDDEN WOUNDS OF BECOMING, OR TRYING TO BECOME, A PARENT
EMDR Therapy in St Paul, Minnesota
Emdr therapy to process what happened - so you can feel safer, more present, and more like yourself again.
You've talked about what happened. Maybe you've read some books, listened to podcasts, done the things you're "supposed to" do to heal. You understand what went wrong during your infertility treatments, pregnancy loss, traumatic birth, or NICU stay.
And still. Your brain plays certain moments on a loop. You get hit with waves of panic out of nowhere. Your body tenses up when you walk into a clinic, see a pregnant person, or hear a monitor beep. You're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It's not because you aren't doing enough. It's because we can't think our way through trauma.
EMDR therapy in St Paul offers a different path, one that addresses trauma where it actually lives: in your nervous system, not just your thoughts.
You're not "too much". Your Brain Is Doing Exactly What It's Supposed to Do
Here's the thing that no one tells you about perinatal trauma: your intelligence and self-awareness, while incredible strengths, can't override a traumatized nervous system. It's not a personal failing that you can't "think your way out" of the anxiety or panic. Your brain is doing exactly what brains do after trauma. It's staying on high alert, trying to protect you from something that's already happened.
tensing up or feeling sick when you see a pregnant person or hear a pregnancy announcement
checking if your baby is breathing multiple times at night, even when you 'know' they are okay
feeling disconnected from your body or your baby
your brain still replays certain moments on a loop
you are constantly waiting for something bad to happen (again)
You're exhausted from white-knuckling your way through each day. You want to feel present with your baby or partner without constant worry or fear overshadowing everything. You want to trust your body again. You want to stop replaying the worst moments on a loop.
You deserve more than just managing symptoms or pushing through. You deserve actual healing.
What Is EMDR and How Does It Work?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is an evidence-based therapy approach that works differently than talking through what happened. Instead of spending session after session discussing and analyzing your trauma, EMDR helps your brain actually reprocess the traumatic memories that are stuck.
When something traumatic happens (a devastating loss, a terrifying birth, a NICU stay that turned your world upside down), your brain can become overwhelmed. The memory gets stored in a fragmented way, which is why you experience vivid memories or times when you feel like the event is happening againwhen something reminds you of what happened. Your brain essentially gets stuck, treating the past trauma as if it's still a present threat.
EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (stimulating the left and right sides of your brain to process information) (guided eye movements, tapping, or sounds) to help your brain complete its natural healing process. We're not erasing what happened or making you forget. We're helping your brain move that stuck memory from the reactive, emotional part to a place where it can be stored as something that happened in the past. Something that was difficult and painful, but that's over now.
Why EMDR Is Particularly Effective for Perinatal Trauma
Your body holds the trauma. Perinatal experiences are deeply physical. Your body was involved in the trauma, whether through infertility treatments, pregnancy loss or losses, birth, stillbirth, medical complications, or witnessing your baby struggle in the NICU. EMDR addresses these body-based responses directly, helping you release what's stored in your nervous system, not just your thoughts.
The grief has layers. You're not just grieving one thing. You're grieving the baby, the future you imagined, the pregnancy experience you didn't get, maybe the innocence and joy you felt before everything changed. EMDR can help you process these complex layers without requiring you to explain or justify your feelings.
Hypervigilance is exhausting. That constant checking, catastrophizing, and inability to relax even when things are objectively fine? EMDR can help calm your nervous system's threat detection system so you can actually be present rather than constantly bracing for the next disaster.
Guilt and shame need more than logic. You might know intellectually that what happened wasn't your fault, but that doesn't stop the guilt. EMDR helps you reprocess the core beliefs formed during trauma, allowing you to genuinely release the self-blame rather than just trying to talk yourself out of it.
Integrating EMDR with Internal Family Systems
I often combine EMDR with Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy because sometimes we need to work with the different "parts" of you that are holding trauma. The part that's hypervigilant and trying to keep you safe. The part that feels guilty. The part that's grieving. The part that's angry about what happened.
When we integrate IFS with EMDR, we can target the specific parts holding trauma and help them release their burdens. This is especially helpful when you have conflicting feelings—like grief and gratitude existing at the same time, or anger mixed with love.
What to Expect in EMDR Therapy
We start with preparation, not trauma. Before we dive into processing traumatic memories, we'll make sure you have tools and resources to feel grounded and safe. I know you're probably thinking, "I already know how to breathe deeply",but this phase is about creating a clear path back to safety when we're doing deeper work.
The actual processing feels unusual at first. You'll think about the target memory while experiencing the bilatural stimulation.. You're awake and aware the entire time—not hypnotized—but your brain gets to do its natural healing work while we create the conditions for processing.
Your job is just to notice, not control. Whatever thoughts, feelings, sensations, images, or memories come up during EMDR, you simply notice them without judging. Your brain knows what it needs to process. You don't have to make anything happen or force insights. We take breaks often to make sure you feel ok and can tolerate what is happening.
Processing can continue between sessions. Don't be surprised if you have vivid dreams, sudden insights, or memories that surface after a session. This is normal and actually a sign your brain is actively working on healing. You just notice what comes up and bring it to our next session if it feels significant.
The changes are often gradual but profound. Over time, you'll likely notice that memories which once felt overwhelming start to feel more distant, more a part of your past than your present.. Your anxiety decreases. You feel more connected to your body and more present with your baby or partner. The intrusive thoughts come less frequently, and when they do, they don't hijack your entire day.
EMDR Intensives for Busy Mothers
I also offer EMDR intensives:extended sessions or a series of sessions over a few days where we do concentrated trauma processing in a condensed timeframe. This can be especially helpful if you have limited time due to work and parenting, want to make significant progress quickly, or live outside the St Paul area but want to work with me online.
You Don't Have to Keep Pushing Through Alone
Look, I get it. You're used to being the competent one, the problem-solver, the person who figures things out. But healing from trauma isn't something you can muscle through with sheer determination or self-awareness alone.
EMDR offers something different—a way to address trauma at the nervous system level so you can actually heal, not just what is coming up for you right now. You can feel present in your life again. You can trust your body. You can release the guilt and fear you've been carrying. You can experience joy in motherhood (or in trying to become a mother) without constant anxiety lurking underneath.
This isn't about forgetting what happened or pretending it didn't affect you. It's about helping your brain and body process the trauma so it no longer controls your present.
You deserve to move from surviving to actually thriving.
I offer EMDR therapy both online throughout Minnesota and in-person in St Paul. We'll start with a genuine conversation about what you're going through and how therapy can help—no pressure, just real talk about what healing could look like for you.
Ready to take the next step? Contact me to schedule a consultation or ask questions about my approach and availability.
Frequently Asked Questions About EMDR Therapy
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This varies based on your history and the complexity of your trauma. Some women find significant relief after just a few sessions, especially if they're addressing a single traumatic event. Others benefit from several months of work if they're processing multiple losses or layered trauma. We'll develop a treatment plan in our initial sessions that gives you a realistic sense of the scope, though this may adjust as we go.
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Nope. One of the benefits of EMDR is that you don't have to narrate every detail of your trauma out loud. While I need to understand generally what happens so we can identify targets for processing, during the actual EMDR work, your brain does the processing—you just notice what comes up. This can be particularly helpful if talking about your trauma feels overwhelming.
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Absolutely. EMDR can be effectively conducted in online sessions. There are lots of ways to adapt EMDR to virtual settings. . Research shows that online EMDR is just as effective as in-person sessions.
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You're always in control during EMDR—we can pause or stop at any time if you need a break. Before we begin processing trauma, we'll make sure you have tools to manage difficult emotions. I'm also trained to recognize when processing is productive versus when it's becoming overwhelming, and I'll help regulate the pace. The goal is effective but manageable healing, not to overwhelm you.
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No. EMDR does not erase memories. What it does is help your brain store them differently so they no longer feel so overwhelming or immediate. You'll still remember what happened—honoring your experience is important—but the memory won't carry the same emotional intensity or feel like it's still happening to you.
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Yes, though we'll talk about timing and pacing based on your specific situation. Some women prefer to wait, while others want to process trauma during pregnancy or early motherhood. We can adjust the intensity and frequency of sessions based on what you can manage, and we'll work together to determine what makes sense for you.
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It doesn't matter if your traumatic experience happened last month or ten years ago. Trauma doesn't have an expiration date, and your brain doesn't care how much time has passed. If the memory still feels stuck, if it still affects how you move through the world, EMDR can help. I've worked with women processing birth trauma from years ago, pregnancy losses that happened decades back, and infertility experiences that are long "over" but still impacting their lives. Your healing isn't less valid because time has passed.
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EMDR is one of the most researched and effective treatments for trauma, but I get the fear. Maybe you've tried other things that haven't worked, and you're worried this will be another dead end. Here's what I can tell you: EMDR works differently than talk therapy, so even if traditional therapy hasn't helped, that doesn't predict how you'll respond to EMDR. That said, if we start EMDR and it's not the right fit, we'll talk about it. We might adjust our approach, integrate more IFS work, or explore what else might be helpful. My job is to help you heal, not to force a specific method that isn't working for you.