When Self-Awareness Isn't Enough to Quiet Your Mind

Therapy for anxiety in St Paul, Minnesota

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You understand your anxiety. You know the triggers, recognize the patterns, and you're incredibly self-aware. You've read the articles, tried the apps, practiced the breathing exercises.

And still. Your brain races at 3 a.m. Your chest tightens without warning. You're constantly bracing for the next thing to go wrong.

It's not because you aren't doing enough. It's because we can't think our way through anxiety, especially when it's rooted in trauma.

You're Not "Too Much." Your Brain Is Doing Exactly What It's Supposed to Do

Here's what no one tells you: your intelligence and self-awareness, while incredible strengths, can't override a nervous system that's stuck in survival mode. It's not a personal failing that you can't logic your way out of the panic or worry. Your brain is doing exactly what brains do after difficult experiences like infertility, pregnancy loss, traumatic birth, or NICU stays. It's staying on high alert, trying to protect you from something that's already happened.

Maybe you're:

  • Constantly checking if your baby is breathing, even when you 'know' they're okay

  • Tensing up or feeling sick when you see a pregnant person or hear certain announcements

  • Replaying worst-case scenarios on a loop

  • Feeling disconnected from your body or your baby

  • Unable to relax even during peaceful moments because you're waiting for something bad to happen (again)

You're exhausted from white-knuckling your way through each day. You want to feel present with your baby or partner without constant worry overshadowing everything. You want to trust yourself again. You want your brain to quiet down.

You deserve more than just managing symptoms or pushing through. You deserve actual healing.

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This Wasn't Supposed to Be Your Story

Maybe you spent months or years imagining how things would go. You did all the things you were supposed to do. And then everything went sideways.

Maybe your anxiety started after:

  • Infertility treatments that turned hope into a minefield of waiting, disappointment, and medical interventions

  • A pregnancy loss that shattered your sense of safety and made future pregnancies feel terrifying

  • A traumatic birth where you felt out of control, unheard, or genuinely feared for your life or your baby's

  • A NICU stay where you left the hospital without your baby and learned to parent through machines and monitors

  • Complications that made you realize your body might not do what you thought it would

And now? Now everyone expects you to just be grateful. They don't understand why you're still struggling. Sometimes you don't understand it either.

How Anxiety Shows Up After Perinatal Trauma

The women I work with in St Paul describe anxiety that goes way beyond general worry:

The constant checking and hypervigilance. Checking if your baby is breathing multiple times at night. Your heart racing every time your baby coughs. Unable to let anyone else care for your child without spiraling. Always bracing for the next terrible thing.

The physical reactions you can't control. Chest tightness, rapid heartbeat, nausea, or panic when you walk into a clinic, see a pregnant person, or hear monitor beeps. Feeling like your body is constantly on edge.

The intrusive thoughts that won't stop. Memories that hit you out of nowhere. Nightmares about what happened. Images you can't shake. Catastrophic thoughts about all the ways things could go wrong.

The disconnection that scares you. Going through the motions of motherhood but not really feeling present. Struggling to bond with your baby the way you think you should. Feeling like you're watching your life from the outside.

The guilt and shame you carry. Blaming yourself even when logically you know it wasn't your fault. Feeling ashamed that you're not "over it" already. Angry at your body for not being able to do what you thought it was supposed to.

Here's what I need you to understand: This isn't happening because you're dwelling on the past or being dramatic. This is what unprocessed trauma does to your nervous system.

Trauma doesn't live in the logical, thinking part of your brain. It lives in your body, in your nervous system. That's why you can't just think your way out of it, no matter how insightful or self-aware you are.

How We Actually Address Anxiety

Here's the thing: we could meet every week and talk about your feelings. And yes, talking matters. Making sense of what happened matters.

But if you're honest, you've already spent a lot of time thinking about it, analyzing it in your head, maybe even talking it through with friends or past therapists...and you're still stuck.

Not because you're doing it wrong, but because anxiety rooted in trauma heals by working directly with your brain and nervous system, not just your thoughts.

EMDR: Helping Your Brain Finally Process What Happened

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is specifically designed to treat trauma-based anxiety. It works with how your brain naturally processes memories, except during trauma, that natural process gets interrupted.

Here's the deal: EMDR doesn't require you to talk through every detail or relive the trauma. Instead, we use bilateral stimulation (eye movements or tapping that stimulates both sides of your brain) while you briefly focus on what's creating the anxiety. This helps your brain reprocess it so it becomes something that happened to you in the past, rather than something that feels like it's still happening.

I won't lie. It can feel a little weird at first. But most women find that after EMDR, the intrusive thoughts decrease, the anxiety eases, and they can actually think about their experiences without being completely overwhelmed.

EMDR typically doesn't involve homework, though there may be times I suggest something that could support your healing between sessions.

Internal Family Systems: Working With All Parts of You

Sometimes you've got different parts of yourself that are basically fighting with each other. One part is terrified something bad will happen. Another part feels crushing guilt. Yet another part just wants to move on already.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps you understand that these aren't conflicting problems. They're different parts of you trying to protect you in their own way, even when their strategies aren't working anymore.

Through IFS, we help these parts work together instead of against each other. This is especially powerful for dealing with anxiety, guilt, and self-blame, because we can help those protective parts realize they don't have to keep you in constant panic mode to keep you safe.

Rebuilding Trust in Your Body

Anxiety after perinatal trauma often includes a profound loss of trust in your body. You might feel betrayed, like your body failed you or let you down when you needed it most.

Part of our work involves reconnecting with your body and helping you understand that your body didn't do anything wrong. It survived something incredibly difficult. And it's been trying to protect you ever since, even when that protection shows up as anxiety or hypervigilance.

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What You Can Expect Working With Me

We Start With a Real Conversation No pressure, no sales pitch. Just a genuine conversation about what you're going through and whether we're a good fit to work together.

We Use Approaches That Actually Work I combine talking and processing with EMDR and IFS therapy to address what's happening in your brain and nervous system, not just your thoughts.

We Focus on Sustainable Change We're not slapping a band-aid on symptoms. We're uncovering what's going on underneath so you can make real, lasting changes in your life.

You Get Flexibility I offer both online sessions throughout Minnesota and in-person sessions in St Paul. You can schedule online and use my electronic health record system to communicate between sessions. For some women, intensive therapy sessions are a great fit for deeper work in a concentrated timeframe.

Here's What Healing Can Actually Look Like

I'm not going to promise you'll never feel anxious again or that everything will be perfect. But here's what becomes possible when you process the trauma underneath the anxiety:

  • The constant checking and hypervigilance starts to ease. You can actually breathe

  • Intrusive thoughts become less frequent and less intense

  • You feel connected to your baby instead of just going through the motions

  • You experience moments of genuine joy in motherhood, not just exhaustion and worry

  • You trust yourself as a mother instead of second-guessing everything

  • You can think about what happened without feeling like you're drowning

  • You feel like yourself again, not who you were before, but an integrated version of who you are now

You don't have to choose between being grateful and still struggling. Both can be true. Both deserve space.

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Honestly? It depends. Every woman's experience is different, and healing doesn't happen on a rigid timeline. Some women find significant relief after a few EMDR sessions, while others need more time. We'll work at a pace that feels right for you, and I won't rush you through your healing just to check boxes.
If you're still struggling with anxiety, intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, or disconnection, your experience counts. Trauma is defined by how you experienced it, not by what happened objectively or whether others think it was "bad enough." Your pain is valid regardless of how your story compares to someone else's.
Nope. While we'll definitely talk about your experience, EMDR doesn't require you to recount every traumatic moment in vivid detail. We can work with what you're comfortable sharing. Your brain does the processing, you just notice what comes up.
If your previous therapy was primarily talk therapy without specialized trauma treatment, then yes. EMDR and IFS offer something different. These approaches work directly with how anxiety and trauma are stored in your brain and nervous system. Even if traditional therapy hasn't helped, that doesn't predict how you'll respond to EMDR.
Absolutely. Many of my clients are navigating therapy while managing the demands of caring for an infant. We'll work with your schedule and needs. Online sessions can be especially helpful for new moms who need flexibility.
Both! I offer in-person sessions in St. Paul and online sessions throughout Minnesota. EMDR can be effectively conducted in virtual settings, and research shows that online EMDR is just as effective as in-person sessions. You can choose what works best for your situation.
You're always in control during EMDR. We can pause or stop at any time if you need a break. Before we begin processing trauma, we'll make sure you have tools to manage difficult emotions. I'm also trained to recognize when processing is productive versus when it's becoming overwhelming. The goal is effective but manageable healing, not to overwhelm you.
It doesn't matter if your experience happened last month or ten years ago. Trauma doesn't have an expiration date, and your brain doesn't care how much time has passed. If the memory still feels stuck, if it still affects how you move through the world, therapy can help. Your healing isn't less valid because time has passed.
No. EMDR does not erase memories. What it does is help your brain store them differently so they no longer feel so overwhelming or immediate. You'll still remember what happened, but the memory won't carry the same emotional intensity or feel like it's still happening to you. Honoring your experience is important.
EMDR is one of the most researched and effective treatments for trauma-based anxiety, but I get the fear. Maybe you've tried other things that haven't worked, and you're worried this will be another dead end. Here's what I can tell you: if we start EMDR and it's not the right fit, we'll talk about it. We might adjust our approach, integrate more IFS work, or explore what else might be helpful. My job is to help you heal, not to force a specific method that isn't working for you.

Frequently Asked Questions

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You Don't Have to Keep White-Knuckling Through This

I know you're probably used to handling everything yourself. You're competent, capable, and you've survived this far on your own. But here's the thing: you don't have to keep doing this alone.

The racing thoughts can ease. The constant checking can decrease. You can feel connected to your baby and actually experience joy in motherhood instead of just surviving each day. You can heal from what happened without forgetting or minimizing it.

I specialize in helping women in St Paul and throughout Minnesota heal from anxiety related to infertility, pregnancy loss, birth trauma, and NICU experiences through EMDR therapy, Internal Family Systems, and intensive sessions.

If you're ready to stop surviving and start healing, reach out. We'll start with a conversation, no pressure, just support and understanding about what you're going through.

Contact me at www.jenniehardman.com to learn more about scheduling and how we can work together. You've already survived the hardest part. Now let's help you thrive.

Your experience matters. Your feelings are valid. And you deserve to feel better.