When the path to parenthood looks nothing like you imagined

Therapy for infertility in St Paul, MN

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You've been tracking cycles, timing everything perfectly, doing all the things you're "supposed to" do. Maybe you've been through multiple rounds of treatment. Maybe you've gotten positive tests only to lose them. Maybe you're still waiting for that first positive, months or years after you started trying.

And now? You're exhausted. The constant hope and devastating disappointment. The hypervigilance around your body's every signal. The isolation of carrying grief that few people understand. You thought you'd be pregnant by now. You thought this would be easier. You thought your body would just...work.

Everyone keeps saying "just relax" or "it will happen when you stop trying" or "at least you can keep trying," and you want to scream because they have no idea what this is actually like.

You're Not Supposed to Still Be This Affected

Here's what no one tells you about infertility: it creates genuine trauma. The grief isn't just about not being pregnant. It's about:

The loss of control
 You're someone who solves problems, who achieves goals, who makes things happen. And this? This is something you can't logic your way through or work harder at. That loss of control can shake your entire sense of self.

The constant anxiety
 Every cycle is a rollercoaster. Every symptom gets analyzed. Every negative test feels devastating. Your nervous system is stuck in high alert, constantly scanning for signs, constantly bracing for disappointment.

The isolation
 Social media is a minefield of pregnancy announcements. Baby showers become obligations you dread. You withdraw from friends because it's too hard to explain, too exhausting to pretend you're okay.

The shame and self-blame
 Even though you know logically it's not your fault, there's this quiet voice asking "what's wrong with me?" Your body feels like it's betraying you, failing at something that's supposed to be natural.

The relationship strain
 Sex becomes scheduled and purposeful instead of spontaneous and connected. You and your partner are going through this together, but somehow it feels isolating because the experience is so different for each of you.

And maybe the worst part? You're self-aware enough to recognize all of this, and it still doesn't make it better. You can name your feelings, understand your triggers, read all the articles...and you're still stuck in the anxiety and grief.

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Here's the Thing: You Can't Think Your Way Through Trauma

You're smart. Insightful. Self-aware. You've probably already spent countless hours analyzing this, talking it through in your head, maybe even with friends or previous therapists. And you're still struggling.

Not because you're doing it wrong, but because infertility trauma lives in your body and nervous system, not just your thoughts.

That's why you can logically understand that it's not your fault, but still feel crushing shame. Why you can tell yourself "we're doing everything we can," but still feel constant anxiety. Why insight alone hasn't been enough to heal.

How I Actually Address Infertility Trauma

Here's the deal: we could meet every week and talk about your feelings. And yes, talking matters. Processing your grief and making sense of what you're experiencing matters.

But if you're honest, you've already spent a lot of time thinking about it, maybe even talking about it...and you're still stuck.

I use approaches that work directly with how trauma is stored in your brain and nervous system, not just your thoughts.

EMDR: Helping Your Brain Process What's Stuck

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is specifically designed to treat trauma. And yes, infertility creates trauma. Failed cycles, devastating test results, painful procedures, pregnancy losses. These experiences leave imprints that trigger ongoing anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and hypervigilance.

Here's what makes EMDR different: it doesn't require you to talk through every painful detail or relive the trauma. Instead, we use bilateral stimulation (eye movements or tapping) while you briefly focus on the traumatic memory. This helps your brain reprocess it so it becomes something that happened to you in the past, rather than something that feels like it's still happening.

EMDR helps reduce the emotional charge of these memories. The intrusive thoughts decrease. The anxiety eases. You can actually think about your infertility journey without being completely overwhelmed.

EMDR typically doesn't involve homework, though there may be times I suggest something that could support your healing between sessions.

Therapy Intensives

Sometimes the traditional weekly therapy model doesn't give you the depth or momentum you need. I offer intensive therapy sessions where we work together for extended periods. Several hours in a single day or across consecutive days.

This format can be particularly valuable when you're preparing for a major treatment milestone, processing a significant loss, or feeling ready for concentrated healing work. Intensives create space for deeper processing without the start-stop rhythm of weekly sessions.

Internal Family Systems: Working With All Parts of You

Sometimes different parts of yourself are basically fighting with each other. One part is hypervigilant and controlling, trying to manage every detail to improve your chances. Another part feels crushing shame. Another part is exhausted and wants to give up. Yet another part is terrified to hope because disappointment hurts too much.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps you understand that these aren't conflicting problems. They're different parts of you trying to protect you in their own way, even when their strategies aren't working anymore.

Through IFS, we help these parts work together instead of against each other. This is especially powerful for dealing with guilt, shame, and self-blame, because we can help those protective parts realize they don't have to keep punishing you to keep you safe.

What Healing Can Actually Look Like

I'm not going to promise you'll get pregnant or that this journey will suddenly become easy. But here's what becomes possible when you process infertility trauma:

The constant anxiety starts to ease
 You can breathe again. The hypervigilance around your body's signals loosens its grip. You develop tools to manage intrusive thoughts without spiraling into panic.

The shame and self-blame quiet down
 You reconnect with compassion for yourself and recognize that you're navigating an extraordinarily difficult experience, not failing at something you should be able to control.

Your relationship with your body shifts
 Instead of viewing it as an adversary that's let you down, you begin to rebuild trust and appreciation for all your body does, regardless of reproductive outcomes.

You find your voice again
 You can clarify what you need, set boundaries that protect your wellbeing, and communicate more authentically with your partner, family, and friends.

You reclaim joy and presence
 The future-focused anxiety loosens enough that you can find moments of genuine connection, pleasure, and meaning in the present. This doesn't mean giving up hope or stopping treatment. It means not putting your entire life on hold.

You can hold both grief and hope
 You don't have to choose between acknowledging how hard this is and maintaining hope for the future. Both can be true. Both deserve space.

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Infertility Rarely Exists Alone

I need you to know that I specialize in the full spectrum of perinatal experiences. Many women who struggle with infertility also face pregnancy loss, high-risk pregnancies, traumatic births, or NICU experiences if they do achieve pregnancy. Each of these can layer additional grief and trauma onto your journey.

Whether you're currently navigating infertility alone or dealing with multiple difficult experiences, therapy can help you process and heal from all of it. Your story doesn't fit into a neat category, and your support shouldn't either.

What You Can Expect Working With Me

We Start With a Real Conversation
 No pressure, no sales pitch. Just a genuine conversation about what you're going through and whether we're a good fit to work together.

We Use Approaches That Actually Work
 I combine talking and processing with EMDR and IFS therapy to address what's happening in your brain and nervous system, not just your thoughts.

We Focus on Sustainable Change
 We're not slapping a band-aid on symptoms. We're uncovering what's going on underneath so you can make real, lasting changes in your life.

You Get Flexibility
 I offer both online sessions throughout Minnesota and in-person sessions in St Paul. You can schedule online and use my electronic health record system to communicate between sessions.

You Don't Have to Keep White-Knuckling Through This

I know you're probably used to handling everything yourself. You're competent, capable, and you've survived this far on your own. But here's the thing: you don't have to keep doing this alone.

The constant anxiety can ease. The shame can lift. The joy can return, even while you're still hoping and trying. You can heal from what you've experienced without giving up on your dreams of parenthood.

Infertility trauma is real. Your grief is valid. And you deserve specialized support that goes beyond "just relax" or "stay positive."

I work with women in St Paul and throughout Minnesota who are tired of struggling and ready to actually address what's going on underneath all the symptoms. Women who recognize that insight alone hasn't been enough, and they need something different.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Honestly? It depends. Every woman's experience is different, and healing doesn't happen on a rigid timeline. Some women find significant relief after a few EMDR sessions, while others need more time. We'll work at a pace that feels right for you.
Nope. While we'll definitely talk about your experience, EMDR doesn't require you to recount every traumatic moment in vivid detail. We can work with what you're comfortable sharing.
If you're struggling with anxiety, intrusive thoughts, disconnection, grief, or any of the symptoms we've talked about, your experience counts. Trauma is defined by how you experienced it, not by whether others think it was "bad enough."
Absolutely. Many of my clients are actively navigating fertility treatments while we work together. We'll coordinate timing around your treatment schedule and needs.
This is a hope I hold with you. If you do conceive, we can absolutely continue therapy to support you through pregnancy, especially given that anxiety and hypervigilance often persist even after a positive test.
No. EMDR doesn't erase memories. What it does is help your brain store them differently so they no longer feel so overwhelming. You'll still remember your journey. Honoring your experience is important. But the memories won't carry the same emotional intensity.
Both options work well. I offer online sessions throughout Minnesota and in-person sessions in St. Paul. Online therapy can be especially convenient when you're managing treatment appointments and the general exhaustion that comes with this journey. Research shows that EMDR is just as effective online as it is in person.
If your previous therapy was primarily talk therapy without specialized trauma treatment, then yes, EMDR and IFS offer something different. These approaches work directly with how trauma is stored in your brain and nervous system. I've worked with many women who felt like therapy "didn't work" for them, only to find that trauma-focused approaches made all the difference.
For questions about pricing, payment options, and scheduling, please reach out directly. I'm happy to discuss what works for your situation.
It doesn't matter if you've been navigating infertility for six months or six years. Trauma doesn't have an expiration date, and your brain doesn't care how much time has passed. If the experience still feels stuck, if it still affects how you move through the world, therapy can help. Your healing isn't less valid because time has passed.
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Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you're ready to explore how therapy can support you through infertility, reach out. We'll start with a conversation. No pressure, just support and understanding about what you're going through.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't have to be at a breaking point to deserve support. You simply have to be ready to stop carrying this alone.

Contact me to learn more about my services, pricing, and scheduling. You've already survived the hardest part. Now let's help you thrive.

Jennie Hardman is a licensed therapist specializing in infertility, pregnancy loss, birth trauma, and perinatal mental health. Serving women throughout Minnesota with online therapy and in-person sessions in St Paul.