Healing support for women navigating miscarriage, stillbirth, and high-risk pregnancy trauma

Therapy for pregnancy loss & medical complications in St Paul, MN

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You lost your baby. Or maybe you almost lost your life during pregnancy complications. Maybe it was an ectopic pregnancy that ended in emergency surgery, or a second-trimester loss where you had to deliver a baby who had already died. Maybe it was your third miscarriage, or your first, and everyone keeps saying "at least you know you can get pregnant" like that's supposed to make it hurt less.

Weeks or months later, you're still struggling. The anxiety hasn't gone away. You're still replaying those moments—the ultrasound where there was no heartbeat, the bleeding, the moment the doctor said those words you'll never forget. You thought you'd be over it by now, but you're not, and that's okay.

You're not alone, and it makes sense you're still struggling.

This Isn't How It Was Supposed to Go

You might have spent months or years trying to get pregnant. You took the vitamins, tracked everything, did all the things you were supposed to do. And then you lost the baby. Or your pregnancy became life-threatening and suddenly you were making impossible decisions about your health versus your baby's survival.

Maybe your experience included:

Miscarriage or recurrent losses where your body kept betraying you, and every positive pregnancy test became a source of terror instead of joy

Ectopic pregnancy that required emergency intervention, leaving you grieving both the baby and possibly your fertility

Stillbirth where you had to labor and deliver knowing your baby was already gone

Severe pregnancy complications like preeclampsia, HELLP syndrome, or placental abruption where you feared for your life or your baby's

Medical termination for fetal anomalies or maternal health reasons, carrying grief and guilt that others don't understand

Incompetent cervix or premature rupture of membranes where you watched helplessly as your pregnancy ended too soon

And now? Now everyone expects you to just move on. They don't understand why you're still struggling. Sometimes you don't understand it either.

Maybe you're avoiding baby showers and pregnancy announcements because they send you into a tailspin. Maybe you left the hospital empty-handed while other mothers brought their babies home. Maybe people keep telling you "everything happens for a reason" or "you'll have another baby" when all you can think about is the baby you lost.

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Here's the Thing: Your Brain Is Still in Crisis Mode

You might think you should be able to logic your way through this. You're smart, self-aware, and competent. You've always been the person who solves problems. But no matter how many articles you read or how much you tell yourself "I need to move forward," you still feel:

Anxious and hypervigilant:

  • Terrified to try again because you can't survive another loss

  • Your heart racing every time you go to the bathroom, checking for blood

  • Panicking at every twinge or cramp in your body

  • Unable to relax or trust that your body will ever work the way it's supposed to

Disconnected and numb:

  • Going through the motions but not really feeling present

  • Avoiding anything pregnancy-related because it's too painful

  • Feeling like you're watching your life happen from the outside

  • Struggling to connect with your partner or other relationships

Haunted by what happened:

  • Memories that hit you out of nowhere: the ultrasound room, the hospital, the moment you knew

  • Intrusive thoughts about what you could have done differently

  • Physical sensations that remind you of the loss

  • Unable to shake the images or the grief

Carrying guilt and grief you can't shake:

  • Blaming yourself even though logically you know it wasn't your fault

  • Grieving the baby you'll never meet and the future you'll never have

  • Feeling ashamed that you're not just "over it" already

  • Angry at your body for failing at something that seems to come so easily to everyone else

Here's what I need you to understand: This isn't happening because you're weak or dwelling on the past. This is what unprocessed trauma does to your nervous system.

Trauma doesn't live in the logical, thinking part of your brain. It lives in your body, in your nervous system. That's why you can't just think your way out of it, no matter how insightful or self-aware you are.

How We Actually Address Pregnancy Loss Trauma

Here's the thing: we could meet every week and talk about your feelings. And yes, talking matters. Making sense of what happened during your pregnancy loss matters.

But if you're honest, you've already spent a lot of time thinking about it, talking it through in your head, maybe even with friends or past therapists...and you're still stuck.

Not because you're doing it wrong, but because pregnancy loss trauma heals by working directly with your brain and nervous system, not just your thoughts.

EMDR: Helping Your Brain Finally Process What Happened

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is specifically designed to treat trauma. It works with how your brain naturally processes memories, except during trauma, that natural process gets interrupted.

Here's the deal: EMDR doesn't require you to talk through every horrifying detail or relive the trauma. Instead, we use bilateral stimulation (stimulating the left and right sides of your brain through eye movements or tapping) while you briefly focus on the traumatic memory. This helps your brain reprocess it so it becomes something that happened to you in the past, rather than something that feels like it's still happening.

I won't lie. It can feel a little weird at first. But most women find that after EMDR, the intrusive thoughts decrease, the anxiety eases, and they can actually think about their loss without being completely overwhelmed.

EMDR is particularly effective for pregnancy loss because:

Your body holds the trauma. The physical experience of loss—the bleeding, the cramping, the procedures—lives in your body. EMDR addresses these body-based responses directly.

The grief has layers. You're grieving the baby, the future you imagined, the innocence you lost. EMDR helps you process these complex layers without requiring you to explain or justify your feelings.

Guilt and shame need more than logic. You might know intellectually that the loss wasn't your fault, but that doesn't stop the guilt. EMDR helps you reprocess the core beliefs formed during trauma, allowing you to genuinely release the self-blame.

EMDR typically doesn't involve homework, though there may be times I suggest something that could support your healing between sessions.

Internal Family Systems: Working With All Parts of You

Sometimes you've got different parts of yourself that are basically fighting with each other. One part is devastated about the loss. Another part feels crushing guilt. Yet another part just wants to try again immediately. Another part is too terrified to ever try again.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps you understand that these aren't conflicting problems. They're different parts of you trying to protect you in their own way, even when their strategies aren't working anymore.

Through IFS, we help these parts work together instead of against each other. This is especially powerful for dealing with guilt, shame, and self-blame, because we can help those protective parts realize they don't have to keep punishing you to keep you safe.

Rebuilding Trust in Your Body

Pregnancy loss often destroys your trust in your body. You might feel betrayed, like your body failed you or let you down when you needed it most.

Part of our work involves reconnecting with your body and helping you understand that your body didn't do anything wrong. It survived something incredibly difficult. And it's been trying to protect you ever since, even when that protection shows up as anxiety or hypervigilance.

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Your First Session and Beyond: What Therapy With Me Actually Looks Like

We Start With a Real Conversation No pressure, no sales pitch. Just a genuine conversation about what you're going through and whether we're a good fit to work together.

We Use Approaches That Actually Work I combine talking and processing with EMDR and IFS therapy to address what's happening in your brain and nervous system, not just your thoughts.

We Focus on Sustainable Change We're not slapping a band-aid on symptoms. We're uncovering what's going on underneath so you can make real, lasting changes in your life.

You Get Flexibility I offer both online sessions throughout Minnesota and in-person sessions in St Paul. You can schedule online and use my electronic health record system to communicate between sessions. For some women, intensive therapy sessions are a great fit for deeper work in a concentrated timeframe.

Here's What Healing Can Actually Look Like

I'm not going to promise you'll forget what happened or that everything will be perfect. But here's what becomes possible when you process pregnancy loss trauma:

  • The constant anxiety starts to ease. You can breathe again

  • Intrusive thoughts become less frequent and less intense

  • You can hear pregnancy announcements without feeling like you're drowning

  • You experience moments of genuine hope about the future, not just fear

  • You trust yourself again instead of second-guessing your body constantly

  • You can think about your loss without feeling completely overwhelmed

  • You feel like yourself again, not who you were before, but an integrated version of who you are now

You don't have to choose between honoring your baby and moving forward. Both can be true. Both deserve space.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Honestly? It depends. Every woman's experience is different, and healing doesn't happen on a rigid timeline. Some women find significant relief after a few EMDR sessions, while others need more time. We'll work at a pace that feels right for you, and I won't rush you through your healing just to check boxes.
Nope. While we'll definitely talk about your experience, EMDR doesn't require you to recount every traumatic moment in vivid detail. We can work with what you're comfortable sharing.
If you're still struggling with anxiety, intrusive thoughts, disconnection, or any of the symptoms we've talked about, your experience counts. Trauma is defined by how you experienced it, not by what happened objectively or whether others think it was "bad enough."
Absolutely. Many of my clients work through previous losses while navigating a subsequent pregnancy. We'll adjust the intensity and pacing based on what you can manage emotionally and physically.
It doesn't matter if your loss happened last month or ten years ago. Trauma doesn't have an expiration date. If the memory still feels stuck, if it still affects how you move through the world, EMDR can help.
No. EMDR does not erase memories. What it does is help your brain store them differently so they no longer feel so overwhelming or immediate. You'll still remember what happened. Honoring your baby is important. But the memory won't carry the same emotional intensity or feel like it's still happening to you.
Absolutely. EMDR can be effectively conducted in online sessions. There are lots of ways to adapt EMDR to virtual settings. Research shows that online EMDR is just as effective as in-person sessions.
You're always in control during EMDR. We can pause or stop at any time if you need a break. Before we begin processing trauma, we'll make sure you have tools to manage difficult emotions. I'm also trained to recognize when processing is productive versus when it's becoming overwhelming, and I'll help regulate the pace. The goal is effective but manageable healing, not to overwhelm you.
Both! I offer in-person sessions in St. Paul and online sessions throughout Minnesota. You can choose what works best for your situation.
If your previous therapy was primarily talk therapy without specialized trauma treatment, then yes, EMDR and IFS offer something different. These approaches work directly with how trauma is stored in your brain and nervous system. Many women I work with have tried traditional therapy before and found that it helped them understand what happened, but didn't actually relieve the symptoms. That's because trauma needs a different approach.
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You Don't Have to Keep Doing This Alone

I know you're probably used to handling everything yourself. You're competent, capable, and you've survived this far on your own. But here's the thing: you don't have to keep doing this alone.

The intrusive thoughts can ease. The constant anxiety can lift. You can feel hopeful about the future again without forgetting the baby you lost. You can heal from what happened without minimizing or moving on too quickly.

I work with women in St Paul and throughout Minnesota who are tired of struggling and ready to actually address what's going on underneath all the symptoms.

If you're ready to stop surviving and start healing, reach out. We'll start with a conversation, no pressure, just support and understanding about what you're going through.

Contact me at www.jenniehardman.com to learn more about scheduling and how we can work together. You've already survived the hardest part. Now let's help you thrive.

Your loss matters. Your grief is valid. And you deserve to feel better.