For When Grief Feels Like It Will Swallow You Whole

Therapy for stillbirth in St. Paul, Minnesota

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Healing support for mothers navigating stillbirth, grief, and trauma in St. Paul and throughout Minnesota.

Your baby died. Not in the abstract, not as an idea—but as a person you loved before they were even born. Maybe it was during labor. Maybe it was at a routine ultrasound when there was no heartbeat. Maybe you felt them stop moving and somehow already knew. Or maybe you went in to the hospital ready to give birth, and the worst thing happened. 

Now you're left with a grief so physical it hurts to breathe, and a world that seems to expect you to return to “normal” as if nothing happened.

People say things like “at least you didn’t get attached” or “you can try again,” not understanding that you already were attached. That you loved this baby with every part of you. That their absence is not just sad…it’s shattering.

Stillbirth isn’t something you “move on” from. It’s something you carry. But it doesn’t have to keep crushing you.

When Motherhood Doesn't Go the Way You Planned

You had a name picked out. Maybe a half-finished nursery. Definitely dreams, hopes, and a future already forming in your heart.

And then your baby died, and everything changed.

Suddenly you were facing impossible choices no one should ever have to make:

  • Whether to induce labor or wait

  • Whether to see or hold your baby

  • How to plan a memorial or burial

  • How to tell people who didn’t even know you were pregnant

And on top of that? Your body kept reminding you of what should have been:

  • Going through birth without a baby to bring home

  • Milk coming in with no baby to feed

  • Postpartum bleeding and physical recovery from a delivery that ended in loss

  • Looking pregnant one day and empty the next

You may have expected support. But what you got instead was silence:

  • Friends disappeared after the funeral

  • People avoid saying your baby’s name as if they never existed

  • The world keeps spinning, while you're drowning

Even in your grief, you're expected to carry on:

  • Other moms complain about sleepless nights while you'd give anything for that problem

  • You’re left with photos, footprints, and empty arms

  • Your loss is invisible, but unbearably real

Maybe you're back at work. Getting things done. Showing up for others.
But inside? You're stuck in the moment everything broke open: the moment you found out your baby was gone.

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Stillbirth Is More Than Grief — It's Trauma, and It Deserves to Be Treated That Way

You might think you should be able to process this loss the way you've handled other difficult things in your life. You're smart, self-aware, competent. You've always been the one who figures things out and helps everyone else.

But no matter how many articles you read about grief or how much you tell yourself "it wasn't my fault," you still feel:

Haunted by what happened:

  • The moment you realized something was wrong playing on a loop

  • Flashbacks to the ultrasound, the delivery, seeing your baby

  • Nightmares about finding them, losing them, or what might have been different

  • Unable to shake the images or the "what ifs"

Disconnected and numb:

  • Going through life on autopilot, not really feeling present

  • Struggling to connect with your partner or friends

  • Feeling like you're watching your life from the outside

  • Sometimes feeling nothing at all, which is almost worse than the pain

Anxiety that won't let up:

  • Terrified if you think about getting pregnant again

  • Panic attacks out of nowhere, especially around due dates or milestones

  • Hyperaware of every sensation in your body, convinced something else will go wrong

  • Constantly bracing for the next terrible thing to happen

Carrying guilt and shame you can't shake:

  • Blaming yourself even though logically you know it wasn't your fault

  • Wondering if you missed signs, didn't advocate hard enough, did something wrong

  • Feeling like your body failed the one job it was supposed to do

  • Ashamed that you're not "over it" when everyone else seems to think you should be

Rage that has nowhere to go:

  • At your body, at the medical system, at pregnant people, at the unfairness of it all

  • At people who say ignorant things or minimize your loss

  • At yourself for not being able to protect your baby

  • At your baby for leaving, which then triggers more guilt

Here's what I need you to understand: This isn't happening because you're weak or dwelling on the past. This is what unprocessed trauma does to your nervous system.

Trauma doesn't live in the logical, thinking part of your brain. It lives in your body, in your nervous system. That's why you can't just think your way out of it, no matter how insightful or self-aware you are.

Healing Stillbirth Trauma: What Specialized Therapy Actually Looks Like

Here's the thing: we could meet every week and talk about your feelings. And yes, talking matters. Making sense of what happened, honoring your baby, grieving out loud—that all matters.

But if you're honest, you've already spent a lot of time thinking about it, talking it through in your head, maybe even with friends or past providers...and you're still stuck.

Not because you're doing it wrong, but because stillbirth trauma heals by working directly with your brain and nervous system, not just your thoughts.

EMDR: Helping Your Brain Finally Process What Happened

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is specifically designed to treat trauma. It works with how your brain naturally processes memories, except during trauma, that natural process gets interrupted.

Here's the deal: EMDR doesn't require you to talk through every horrifying detail or relive the trauma. Instead, we use bilateral stimulation (eye movements, tapping, or sounds that stimulate both sides of your brain) while you briefly focus on the traumatic memory. This helps your brain reprocess it so it becomes something that happened to you in the past, rather than something that feels like it's still happening.

I won't lie. It can feel a little weird at first. But most women find that after EMDR, the intrusive thoughts decrease, the anxiety eases, and they can actually think about their baby without being completely overwhelmed. You'll still remember what happened. Honoring your baby's life is important. But the memory won't carry the same crushing weight or feel like it's happening right now.

EMDR typically doesn't involve homework, though there may be times I suggest something that could support your healing between sessions.

Internal Family Systems: Working With All Parts of You

Sometimes you've got different parts of yourself that are basically fighting with each other. One part is devastated and wants to grieve openly. Another part feels crushing guilt and thinks you should have done something differently. Yet another part just wants to move on already and stop feeling this pain.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps you understand that these aren't conflicting problems. They're different parts of you trying to protect you in their own way, even when their strategies aren't working anymore.

Through IFS, we help these parts work together instead of against each other. This is especially powerful for dealing with guilt, shame, and self-blame, because we can help those protective parts realize they don't have to keep punishing you to keep you safe.

EMDR Intensives for Concentrated Healing

Sometimes weekly therapy sessions aren't enough when you're in acute grief or dealing with significant trauma. I offer intensive therapy sessions that allow us to do deeper, concentrated work in a condensed timeframe.

Intensive sessions can be especially helpful if you need to process trauma more quickly, have limited time due to work or other obligations, want to make significant progress before a particular milestone (like a due date anniversary or potential pregnancy), or live outside the St. Paul area but want to work with me online.

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If You're Pregnant Again (or Thinking About It)

Pregnancy after stillbirth is terrifying. Even when it's deeply wanted, it can feel impossible to let yourself hope or connect with this baby when the last one died.

You might be:

  • Constantly waiting for something to go wrong

  • Unable to enjoy pregnancy milestones because of intrusive thoughts

  • Checking for movement obsessively or panicking when you can't feel the baby

  • Disconnected from this pregnancy as a protective mechanism

  • Grieving your first baby while trying to bond with this one

Therapy can help you process the stillbirth trauma before or during subsequent pregnancy so it doesn't completely hijack your experience. We can work on reducing anxiety, developing coping strategies for medical appointments and triggers, and helping you hold both grief for your baby who died and hope for this pregnancy.

You don't have to wait until you're pregnant again to seek support. In fact, processing your stillbirth experience beforehand can help you approach subsequent pregnancy with greater emotional resources.

No Scripts, No Worksheets: What to Actually Expect in Trauma Therapy With Me

We Start With a Real Conversation No pressure, no sales pitch. Just a genuine conversation about what you're going through and whether we're a good fit to work together.

We Use Approaches That Actually Work I combine talking and processing with EMDR and IFS therapy to address what's happening in your brain and nervous system, not just your thoughts.

We Focus on Sustainable Change We're not slapping a band-aid on symptoms. We're uncovering what's going on underneath so you can make real, lasting changes in your life. Honoring your baby while also finding a path toward healing.

You Get Flexibility I offer both online sessions throughout Minnesota and in-person sessions in St. Paul. You can schedule online and use my electronic health record system to communicate between sessions.

I'm Jennie, and I specialize in helping women in St. Paul and throughout Minnesota heal from stillbirth and pregnancy loss through EMDR therapy, Internal Family Systems, and intensive sessions. Whether you meet with me online or in-person in St. Paul, we'll work together to help you process what happened so your grief becomes something you can carry rather than something that's crushing you.

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Here's What Healing Can Actually Look Like

I'm not going to promise you'll forget what happened or that you'll "get over it." You won't, and you shouldn't have to. But here's what becomes possible when you process stillbirth trauma:

  • The constant anxiety starts to ease. You can breathe again.

  • Intrusive thoughts become less frequent and less intense.

  • You can think about your baby and feel the love without being immediately swallowed by panic or despair.

  • You experience moments of genuine peace, not just exhaustion and numbness.

  • You trust yourself again instead of constantly second-guessing every decision.

  • You can be around pregnant people or babies without feeling like you're going to break.

  • You feel like yourself again. Not who you were before, but an integrated version of who you are now.

You don't have to choose between honoring your baby and moving forward with your life. Both can be true. Both deserve space.

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Honestly? It depends. Every woman's experience is different, and healing doesn't happen on a rigid timeline. Some women find significant relief after a few EMDR sessions, while others need more time to process layered trauma and complicated grief. We'll work at a pace that feels right for you, and I won't rush you through your healing just to check boxes.
It doesn't matter if your stillbirth happened last month or ten years ago. Trauma doesn't have an expiration date. If the loss still feels stuck, if it still affects how you move through the world, therapy can help. Your healing isn't less valid because time has passed.
Nope. While we'll definitely talk about your experience, EMDR doesn't require you to recount every traumatic moment in vivid detail. We can work with what you're comfortable sharing.
If you're still struggling with anxiety, intrusive thoughts, disconnection, or any of the symptoms we've talked about, your experience counts. Trauma is defined by how you experienced it, not by what happened objectively or whether others think it was "bad enough."
Absolutely. Many women benefit from processing stillbirth trauma before or during subsequent pregnancy. We'll work with your timeline and adjust the intensity of sessions based on what you can manage emotionally and physically.
Both! I offer online sessions throughout Minnesota and in-person sessions in St. Paul. Online therapy can be especially helpful when you're not feeling up to leaving home or when you want the privacy of processing difficult emotions in your own space. EMDR works just as effectively online as it does in person.
You're always in control. We can pause or stop at any time if you need a break. Before we begin processing trauma, we'll make sure you have tools to manage difficult emotions. I'm also trained to recognize when processing is productive versus when it's becoming too much, and I'll help regulate the pace. The goal is effective but manageable healing, not to overwhelm you.
No. EMDR does not erase memories. What it does is help your brain store them differently so they no longer feel so overwhelming or immediate. You'll still remember what happened. Honoring your baby is important. But the memory won't carry the same emotional intensity or feel like it's still happening to you.
EMDR is one of the most researched and effective treatments for trauma, but I get the fear. Maybe you've tried other things that haven't worked, and you're worried this will be another dead end. Here's what I can tell you: EMDR works differently than talk therapy, so even if traditional therapy hasn't helped, that doesn't predict how you'll respond to EMDR. That said, if we start and it's not the right fit, we'll talk about it. We might adjust our approach, integrate more IFS work, or explore what else might be helpful. My job is to help you heal, not to force a specific method that isn't working for you.
You don't need to be "ready" or have everything figured out. You simply need to be willing to explore whether therapy might offer the support you need. If you're reading this and wondering if it could help, that's enough. We'll start with a conversation about what you're experiencing, and you can decide from there if working together feels right. There's no pressure to commit before you're ready.

Frequently Asked Questions

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You Don't Have to Keep Surviving on Your Own

I know you're probably used to handling everything yourself. You're competent, capable, and you've survived this far on your own. But here's the thing: you don't have to keep doing this alone.

The intrusive thoughts can ease. The constant anxiety can lift. You can remember your baby with love instead of just pain. You can heal from what happened without forgetting or minimizing it.

Your baby's life mattered. Your grief is real. And you deserve to feel better.

If you're in St. Paul or anywhere in Minnesota and you're ready to stop just surviving and start actually healing, reach out. We'll start with a conversation. No pressure, just support and understanding about what you're going through.

Contact me to learn more about scheduling and how we can work together. You've already survived the hardest part. Now let's help you thrive.

Your baby deserved to be here. Your grief is valid. Your trauma is real. And your healing matters.